Fear

I used to be consumed by fear.  A fear that controlled my life to the point of almost giving up.  At the time the only way I had to get passed it was to drink myself into an oblivion every night and pass out because I knew that if I gave my mind one tenth of a second to think, the fear would come back like a runaway train.  I am happy to announce that I have been over this fear for a while now.  My solace came from a very unlikely place and I would like to share with you how I dispelled a fear that has been haunting me for as long as I can remember.

It wasn't some wonderous new drug or religion that saved me but, education was my savior.  It snuck up on me slowly and I didn't even realize it was happening until one night I went to bed sober and was actually able to sleep.  You can't begin to imagine how overjoyed I was when I realzied what had happened.  It was almost like going from being constantly suffocated to taking a deep breath of fresh mountain air.

I have always found interest in certain subjects but, it wasn't until recently that I have had a real drive to learn more about them in depth.  Science and theology and everything inbetween.  I felt like I could now see the world through new eyes.  I realized that the more I learned about life.....the less I feared death and that alone was the key to my fears.  As I studied subjects like biology, geneology, abiogenesis, cosmology, neurology, geography and geology, the greater undertanding I got for my own personal existance.  I had become self aware that I am not even a speck on the timeline of life and that took a great weight off of my shoulders.

Until you can humble yourself and realize that humans aren't the pinnacle of anything, you will not be able to understand how glorious your own life truely is.  What I mean is, the next time you look at a star, realize to yourself that the celestial body upon which you are gazing, may not even exist anymore.  Things live and die as a part of life.  The mollocules of which you are constructed were formed billions of years ago and after you pass they will be here for billions of years more. 

I am glad I am no longer afraid.  Now I can look around in awe and love what I see.  If you don't understand what I mean, I hope that one day you become as lucky as I am.